Page 11          Opinion “Legal Madness” Part II:

Hillbilly Heaven in the land of Jackpot Justice




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Banking and Law

The housing strategic defaulter may have also realized that the joke was on him and opted to remove the party hat from last decades gig and move on with his or her life. They have dusted themselves off and are actually providing a much needed service to the community by allowing more homes to return to market deflating prices, forcing more foreclosures, short sales and strategic defaults in a repetitive cycle until a real bottom in housing is breached. A failure of one or two of the mega banks remains to us a foregone conclusion as the rescission of mark to market accounting rules, requiring the bank to price assets at the daily or current price rather than the book value, was born of genius and sleuth to paper over the inability of any bank to set aside adequate reserves without crying insolvency according to generally accepted accounting principles. Yes several of our largest banking giants remain insolvent except for the fact that they were permitted by a higher authority to throw the accounting book out the window.

If these banks who we want to survive and thrive seek repentance to cure their maladies and rid themselves of the dreaded disease of scarlet fever or the slow suffocation of red ink then may we suggest they drive their stock price down through short selling and then buy it back at significantly lower prices squeezing all equity holders including employees too. Bank of America could drop back to $3.00 a share from the current price of $13+ and the shareholders that panicked would be wiped out but those that stayed could enjoy an immense rebound in the stock price to the low $20s+ with the bank pocketing a cool hundred billion+ depending on the float and their aggressiveness in creating and managing the down draft.  Otherwise little else remains rather than additional bailouts which will direct even more congress people and Senators to the ranks of the unemployed if the government intervention tourniquet is applied once more.

 The other option is to complete an orderly reorganization as regional players like the break up of standard oil returning us to a time when the local banker knew as much about his client, neighbor and friend as the priest his parishioner. Can a real recovery be far behind such enormous debt destruction? 

But for now we have opted for experimenting with social engineering compliments of Barney Frank and Chris Dodd who encouraged banks to lend money to persons and families not be able to honor their obligations. We will all suffer under their new Financial Regulation law known as Dodd Frank. Christopher Dodd retired from public service in the U.S. Senate and Barney Frank who won reelection previously and famously introduced an amendment to the Immigration and Nationality Act so that an applicant’s membership in a terrorist’s organization alone was no longer sufficient to deny a visa. After the Frank Amendment’s passage the Immigration and Naturalization Service {INS} could deny a visa only if the Federal Government proved that the applicant had committed an act of terrorism. [91] We loved the movie enemy at the gates. We didn’t realize that we would be living a futuristic version. Thanks Barney! The Wife of Christopher Dodd allegedly now sits on the Board of Directors of the Chicago Mercantile Exchange. Meanwhile Mr. Washington Christopher Dodd is moving to Hollywood espousing the mantra that video piracy is costing the industry billions. Wow, an epiphany! Why didn’t he do something about it when he could really throw his weight around on the Senate floor?  The tentacles of the obtuse remain in the trough of public consumption apparently until forcibly removed due to mental incapacity, incarceration, or natural death.  Corruption and/or incompetence breeds more corruption and/or incompetence.  Do we live in a great country or what?


A:  I’ll trade you my Home and Credit Cards for a Debit Card

Due to their great new legislative effort of the law firm of Barney, Frank, Christopher, Dodd & Wife fully one fifth of Americans may lose access to basic banking services like checking accounts. As always the regulated, in this case the banks will simply shift the costs of their compliance for past, present and future political shams disproportionately onto the homeless, working poor and middle class.

Gerri Willis was unable to comprehend this point when interviewing Russell Simmons regarding his new debit card. Sure there are costs to any card and the Kardasian’s should have rigorously defended their association with a similarly themed product. Access to the banking system even if it’s loaded on a prepaid card to pay bills may be less expensive than the new programs offered by your local bank under Dodd-Frank or in the alternative of waiting in line to purchase money orders at Walmart even though they’re priced right at twenty five or thirty cents a piece because when a money order is lost it must be tracked and replaced through the post office. I’m Michael Savage. Are you listening to me?

Later Famoosh Torabi enters the fray regarding the Russell Simmons debit card pillorying his concept with the premise that: “You shouldn’t have to pay money to access your money.” Are you referring to the Federal Income Tax Famoosh Torabi?

Famoosh in his self absorbed narrative qualifies the 20% of persons leaving the banking sector as the “underbanked.” So are those who can’t afford a full tank of gas “underfueled” and those not disciplined early in life for their transgressions “underpunished?” To complement his illiteracy and under appreciation of the daily grind required of those not of his land rover driving persuasion states:  “And, hey, if you can't maintain a minimum balance shop around for a bank that's more flexible. They're out there.” Really, can we take the bus? And what if I’m loaded but seek access to my cabbage before the government declares an extended banking holiday?  Give Famoosh Torabi a consolation pizza. Were not sure why he authored this slop other than to inform us that he and Russell Simmons allegedly chatted for an hour. [99]

B: Warning:

 Strategic Defaults

may rekindle born again feelings of financial salvation

Strategic Defaults [45] offer a remedy to the manufactured failures foisted upon us after the bottom fell out of the housing market. The price one will pay is a 150 point hit on the credit but moving to cash is the new economic reality that includes the following facts:


1. 11% of all homes in the United States are now vacant.

2. The rate of home ownership has declined to the level of 1998.

3. Deutsche Bank projects that 48% of all homes in the United States will retain negative equity by the end of 2011.

4. Total declines in value from the peak in the market in 2006 may equal or exceed 40%+. [47]

5.   A housing trade association is examining the possibility that the data it releases underestimated the collapse of the housing industry. The National Association of Realtors … may have over-counted home sales dating as far back as 2007

6. Las Vegas is now ranked 2nd on a list of the most empty cities in America; the flop is not so much the home vacancy rate of 5.5% but the apartment vacancy rate of 13.5%. That’s real trouble! Darcy did you heed our advice in Life after Money Part II? [97]

7. New homes are selling at the slowest pace on record dating to 1963. [105]

8. Liz Ann Sonders when appearing on FOX Business with Liz Claman stated that the housing market represents a mere 6% of the total economy so not to worry; after an estimated $9T decline; Why not? Until of course it slips to 3%. Liz Ann you inferred that the gear up in manufacturing among other industries compensated for the loss in housing did you? Is this the same base that exported entire factories overseas years ago?  Liz Ann Sonders since we all know that the retail investor like Elvis has left the building what is the strategy of Charles Schwab the champion of the small retail investor when 70% of  tape trades consist of stocks bought and held for an average of {3} three minutes by gargantuan institutions utilizing supercomputers all for the pick up of table scraps? With volume that wouldn’t keep a skeleton model alive and insider trading abuses committed more frequently than fantasy baseball teams dumping Albert Pujols in April does this seem like a healthy market to you?  [108]


The decline in home prices has now eclipsed the failure of housing in the great depression as Banks will foreclose on one million plus homes in 2011 escalating the two year plus supply of housing. Four months is considered “normal” unsold residential inventory. The Associated Press has developed a “stress score” of 1 to 100 of each State in the United States. The data is based on bankruptcy, foreclosure and unemployment rates. The average or mean score nationwide is 10.4. A score of 11 is considered “stressed”.  Stress eased in all but five states: Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Nevada and Utah.  Nevada was the most troubled state with a score of 22.56 followed by Florida at 16.47.  [48]


Law and Artistic Occupancy

            Let’s squat in a home video tape ourselves then write a book of our Adventures.

Adding insult to injury are the squatters that may move into your neighbors McMansion when they strategically defaulted and you remained as the pillar of the community. Randy and Evi Quaid occupied the guest house in a Montecito California mansion prior to fleeing to Canada. Cousin Eddie may be the deer leaping from the woods running into and behind our forward progress just prior to an attack initiated from the edge of the tree line by a well equipped and entrenched enemy brigade.

 St. Louis, Missouri: the hired housekeeper lived or squatted for about three months with her friends playing games like beer pong in the $2M/10,000 square foot home.

 Sugar Grove, Illinois: forty two year old Steven Hawthorne moved his furniture and big screen TV into a $700,000.00 home. He was able to turn on the utilities and remained there for about eight months. He introduced himself to the neighbors as the new owner.

Malibu, California: a Wells Fargo Executive occasionally occupied a $14.9 beachfront property and hosted swanky parties. That’s what I’m talking about. Why let a great view go to waste! Her curmudgeonly Malibu neighbors didn’t approve and she lost her job.

 Seattle, Washington: the Mansion Squatters posted notes on the front doors of exclusive homes, “Privately owned homes, not for sale”.  Their Short stay in one Kirkland, Washington home cost the bank $35,000.00 in legal fees and locksmith bills as well as increased security and cleaning. [46] We estimate the locksmith at $200.00 tops, security patrol $1,000.00 a month and top to bottom cleaning of the home $500.00. That leaves $33,300.00 in legal fees to recover the home you already own. Sweet!

 The bank is spending money on a non performing {dead} asset. Could the mortgage holder have been much better off entering into a constructive dialogue with the previous owner slashing the monthly payment, extending the terms, or forgiving part of the note to protect their asset?  In the alternative the bank should consider hiring their own squatters who would pay the bank a small monthly rental payment of lets say $500.00 to insure that other non bank qualified squatters don’t exploit the situation. Also if the pipes break a phone call can be made to protect the home from total loss.  

So while you’re struggling under the oppression of the Obama administration, food inflation and the tenuous nature of all employed while paying that onerous note, property taxes and association fees your new neighbor with the friendly wave, newspaper subscription and who works from home is happy for a reason. He’s living large walking on Italian marble, grilling steaks, sipping champagne or swilling beers on family day every Sunday where kids of all ages take a dip in the Jacuzzi our resting underneath the waterfall then slinking into the pool and later treating his wife right at night while nestled right next to you and all for FREE!

You arise from bed as the now habitual insomniac in the wee hours of the morning your money stretched so thin that the same dollar is promised to four different accounts. You walk outside the master suite onto your deck and look across and over the block wall into the backyard of the squatters where every day is an endless summer and another fun filled late night now at two in the morning when the adults after sending the children to bed are re-parenting their own lives with pool games; this evenings activity the cannon ball splash contest from atop the waterfall. To qualify for another beer one must land in the middle though and directly above the designer tiled dolphin art inlaid on the pool bottom. Your only consolation in life is that the cigarette soldered to your upper lip was bootlegged by your cousin Bart duty and tax free along with your new cache of illegal fireworks procured from the what ever their name is Indian Reservation located in some desolate spot off the highway to Indian Springs. Again is this a great country or what?    


Strategic Defaults work with credit cards too!

Get into the game! Be a man and default on your credit cards too. No need for a bankruptcy attorney at $5K to $25K+ a throw when you can simply do it yourself. This of course represents the last resort after attempting to short sale or deed in lieu with the cooperation of the bank as you may retain residual liability in a deficiency judgment where for a period of time the bank may sue you for the difference in the value of the mortgage and the eventual selling price of the home.

The county may seek payment for accumulated property taxes, another hit to your credit but after a few years they will probably settle for peanuts and finally the most impregnable bullet proof organization and nightmare ever created: Yes we’re talking about your homeowners association. Your credit may be dinged but your past due association fees up to ninth months or more will be paid by the bank or the new fish at the time of repossession or purchase to clear the lien. 

After all you’re moving to Texas offering a sound economy, the strongest debtor asset protection laws in the country and a new phone number. Protect your contact information, never talk to your creditors, remain invisible by diverting your mail to a P.O. Box and count the days down for {7} years until your credit cards age off of your credit. Past performance is not an indication of future returns. By then you will be used to paying cash anyway and won’t need a report probably for the rest of your life as you will have learned that a structural change in the economy has transpired and the adage that cash is king is more applicable than anytime in your life.

                                 Crystal Bowersox-Farmer’s Daughter 2010.2              


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