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Opinion “Legal Madness” Part II:

Hillbilly Heaven in the land of Jackpot Justice

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IX. Hillbilly Vibration

No one knew that the folks of Dogpatch had quietly absconded late one night from the Hills of Arkansas and a few months later reappeared in Las Vegas when it was simply a call and mail stop on the railroad line. They transformed themselves with land purchases and eventually their first casino license. They plowed their profits back into the business and several factions of distant cousins opened and transformed competing properties. The break from their past cycle of poverty was complete when they hung some fancy art on the walls of the foyer and Paris Hilton hosted a gig one New Year’s Eve. They laughed at the thought that others considered them to be high society. Heck they were just family people who feared God and went out of their way to show strangers a good time previously with moonshine and song and now with anything they wanted as long as the gambler could pay cash, their playmates were of legal age, and no one died.

 Two local factions of the family are stirring as Jethro, from the TV show promoting high class hillbillies, is seeking to open Jethro’s Beverly Hillbillies Mansion and Casino [22] near Lake Tahoe. The older folk were concerned that their cover may be blown but the young uns believe it will only enshrine their legendary status within the clan. Besides who would ever believe that thousand dollar a night hookers would trick roll clients in any property owned by some hillbilly clan. Grandpa said not to worry and reminded them that Hillbilly stories beckoned back to the days of Charlie Chaplain when he arrived home and booted out his child bride, her mother and their entourage.

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VIII. It must be something in the water…

The good folks in Clark County have spearheaded efforts to scuttle the only Nuclear Waste Repository in the United States. The site which is almost completed is located about 100 miles Northwest of Las Vegas. Many billions of dollars have been spent and many protracted legal battle fought over the potential negative effects of stored nuclear waste leaking into the groundwater. The EPA would measure any such discharge but the EPA does not monitor underground intake into the water supply of natural elements like Lead 210, Radon, Natural Uranium and Radium 224. These highly toxic elements may be brought forth through any disturbance of deep soil as in drilling for oil and well water. Could gold and silver mining aid the seepage of these elements into the water supply? We do not know for sure but we do know that to quench the thirst of Southern Nevada Pat Mulroy our Queen of Nevada and the Southern Nevada Water Authority seeks to build a pipeline through much of rural Nevada to draw down the underground lake and well water.

In the meantime states like South Carolina and Washington are suing Nevada seeking a refund of the money they fronted to Nevada to accept their nuclear waste prior to the Nevada obfuscation and double cross. Our advice is for the State of Nevada to open the site with a smile and add the tens of thousands of jobs in maintenance, security, management and guide dog training to alleviate the pain and suffering of your 15% national leading unemployment rate or refund all of their money. It’s a simple choice.

An attorney for some future plaintiff viewing the proceedings from the back of the court room was allegedly more subdued in public preferring instead upon returning to his office to imitate Kirk Gibson while circling imaginary bases, pumping his fist [21] and screaming Cha Ching repeating the process until late in the evening when he collapsed on the floor from exhaustion after climbing his step ladder one final time and rubbing the nose and screaming the Moose is loose; Did you see look on their faces?, and I love Nevada over and over to his favorite childhood stuffed animal the head now mounted on the wall adorned by a torn jock strap a consolation prize from his lone panty raid in college tossed to him by a hermaphrodite nick named  Baritone Al now preferring Alice, his unwashed trophy hanging off of the left plastic antler before he collapsing in the fetal position on the faux wood floor and laughing himself to sleep clad only in his white tube socks and skivvies only to awaken hours later peering out the blinds at the red white and blue strobe lights of the tow truck focusing his weary eyes as the driver guiding the lift with his car mounted on the flatbed into the transport locked position before jumping in and speeding off from in front of a fire hydrant and handicap ramp.

He thought to himself it’s an omen from God and besides after cleaning out these drug companies not for half a rock like that sorry cheese dick but for the full big “B” as in billion I will deserve that Silver Ghost Rolls Royce as he tucked the brochure back into the booklet and fell asleep. The fake leather plastic cushions of his Executive Chair suctioning against his back and leg hair. His elevated anus facing the front door concealed by only a few thin strands of cloth; the intermittent relaxation of his sphincter emitting plumes of warm methane degrading these his only cotton briefs; his unisex adult underwear or depends reserved for court appearances.   

In the courtroom the jury remained in their seats as District Judge Jessie Walsh was so preoccupied with her visualizations of trouncing some imaginary opponent in a future election that she failed to dismiss them. There they sat imitating the foreman who had jumped up bent her knees and then jumped again with her hands in her pockets when reading the verdict like Rock Concert movement number three. Each one in turn stood in place bent their knees and jumped as high as they could with their hands in their pockets to the applause of the rest of the jury then they would take a bow return to their seat and the next member of the jury would then leap into the air. Their laughter muffled behind the court room doors echoed down the dark hallways and the elevator shaft onto the main foyer now illuminated only by exits signs and security lighting. The Regional Justice Center was now closed with the jury locked inside.

Early the next morning they ventured into the hallway to use the restrooms. After completing their mission they noticed a light from another court room down the hall. Two of the jurors on behalf of the others crept down and peeked through the glass doors. At that very moment they watched as a Judge scolded the counsel for the defense who objected that the jury should begin deliberating at three {3:00AM} in the morning: "I told counsel this case had to be done by Thursday because I'm packing up and leaving town and going on vacation for two weeks," [53]

The etching on the name plate attached to the wall next to the doors read: Valorie Vega. The two jurors quickly retreated and signaled everyone else to do the same. Once safely back in their seats they feigned sleeping waiting for Judge Jessie Walsh to return with homemade anchovy sardine pizzas or grant them permission to dash outside for a bite or better still allow them leave to go home prior to their next case; yet also hoping they didn’t get in trouble like the lawyers in the courtroom of Valorie Vegas.

They realized through their experience of responding to the jury summons that the world revolved around a select few of these judges who were not to be crossed especially by some peon, hillbilly jury kin folk.

VII. Jackpot Judges Juries & Injustice

The deliver of medicine in Las Vegas remains substandard including nurses who were never apparently taught that under no circumstances including the bullying of their doctor boss to reuse the same needle and syringe to treat different patients. So they did reuse the same needles and syringes penetrating the original vials of medication leading to the exposure and potential cross contamination of many people to Hepatitis C and allegedly HIV.

Recent Jackpot Jury awards in Las Vegas have resulted in a $30,000,000.00 million {$30M} award against Goodyear Tire Company; A $58,000.000.00 million {$58M} award against local Casino Mogul Sheldon Adelson for not paying a “finders fee” to a gentleman from Macau, although this case has since been overturned by the Supreme Court of Nevada and returned to the trial court.

Then there remains the Punitive damage award of $500,000,000.00 million {$500M} yes that’s half a billion dollars against two drug manufactures because the aforementioned anonymous nurses poked used needles into the non single dose drug dispensers and used them on other patients. The drug makers Teva Parenteral Medicines Inc. and Baxter Health Care Corp are appealing the decision to the Nevada Supreme Court over the refusal of the District Judge Jessie Walsh to grant a new trial. [19]

The two companies maintain the drug propofol wasn't contaminated with hepatitis and it did not cause any adverse side effects. They said there is nothing inherently defective in giving a doctor a choice as to which size vial to purchase. Their appeal states that errors were made in dismissing cases against defendants Dr. Rajat Sood, Bobbie Glass-Seran, the Gastroenterology Center of Nevada and Desert Shadow Endoscopy Center, all of whom settled out of court. The drug companies state that these defendants should share in paying the judgment since they were the providers that administered the propofol that infected Henry Chanin [20] the plaintiff; and in a stunning admission to how ignorant, lazy, and uneducated the Judge, Jury and plaintiff assert the medical professionals of Clark County remain in the year 2010 the jury found that Teva and Baxter failed to properly label the drug vials and they shouldn't have provided the large containers to treatment centers. The Chanins argued that doctors would reuse the large vials and medical personnel would re-use syringes that spread the infection.

Upon hearing the verdict Judge Jessie Walsh allegedly flashed an imbecilic smile toward the attorney for the plaintiff while mouthing the works “Did I do good?”  The counselor allegedly responded with hands clasped as if in prayer and bowed his head in silent approval. Jessie Walsh quietly retired to her chambers and while walking just out of view of the court heaved a giant one arm fist pump above her head while saying “Yes”.  So forceful was the motion that her judicial robe was thrust upward and around the entirety of her head temporarily blinding her path; she then felt her way into her office closed the door removed her vestments and sat on the floor practicing her one leg behind the head yoga meditation while pondering the implications of this judgment possibly the largest in Nevada history. One thing was for certain. Bidding up the price of future justice for both counsel for plaintiff and counsel for defendant was a given. But with this verdict she was a lock to receive the vote of each and every plaintiff trial attorney in Clark County in her next election and was certain to eclipse the fund raising war chest of Mad Dog Doug Herndon who was sitting on a pile of cash in excess of two hundred thousand dollars {$200,000.00}.

In Nevada it’s not considered bribery to donate money to the campaign of the judge that is presiding over your case if it’s done in the light of day and posted on their spread sheet. Counsel for both plaintiff and defendant are cordially invited to donate liberal amounts of cash. The idea is that appointed judges remain beholden to the governor and by proxy to party to which they owe their installation.

We agree and we prefer that judges in Nevada continue to face the electorate as other civic leaders with the caveat that any lawyer or party appearing in the court of any judge be expressly prohibited from donating before, during or three years after any case to which they are retained counsel or a party of either plaintiff or defendant in any court. Would the primary source of campaign income evaporate? Yes, but the playing field would be leveled and judges would be free to exercise their ingenuity in raising campaign cash, manage more efficient campaigns and make more with less like the rest of us.

Back in the court room several members of the jury flashed grins and in unison muttered the same words “Did we do good?”  The lead attorney turned to them and bowed in the same gesture of silent approval. The sporadic flashing of a toothless grin here and there spoke to their vigilance of protecting local fellow “tarnip” gardeners from evil greedy corporations who shipped FDA approved drugs exactly as ordered by local physicians licensed in the State of Nevada to practice Medicine in the State of Nevada.  

The wood carvings handed down from their grandparents and parents in youth scripted with the words: “if you’re kin your in” ruled in the courtroom of Jessie Walsh as Mega bucks jackpot justice was served that day in 2010. Although the plaintiff and his wife were not kin folk they had sacrificed much for the community and were worthy of hillbilly protection especially from some outsiders in Israel pushing their brand of dope in Las Vegas.