Text Box: Ask Dr. Christopher



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                                        C.   The Money Pit

Why didn’t I just buy home depot stock rather than everything in the store!

Back in the day of 2005 we would meet all of our friends at home depot on Flamingo and Ft. Apache in Las Vegas, Nevada. When we purchased our home we bought it without a backyard so a landscaper was contracted to clean up the residual construction debris lay sprinklers and terrace the slope against the back wall. We added some fruit trees including cherry, peach and apple. We built a trellis and grew grapes and tried many other things to keep the dogs from digging up our new future orchard. The landscaping bill was a cool $5,000.00 and during the first few years of owning our new home we averaged spending $10,000.00 a year at the Home Depot and smaller amounts at Lowe’s to build out and customize the interior and the garden. Our new home with no blinds and no garage shelving was a sinkhole for money We added a storage or monkey bridge attached to the frame of the interior roof across the entire length of a four door garage and built additional storage over the freezer and two refrigerators the weight supports attached to the frame of the house allowing us to pack almost three rooms of keepsakes and Christmas decorations overhead while permitting the parking of four cars in the bay. We were very proud of our accomplishment as we walked around the block and viewed many of our neighbors cars parked in their driveways and on the street while their garage floors served as storage for the stuff that wouldn’t fit inside their homes.


Seven {7} warning signs it’s time to sell your home!

1. Market Melts Up.

Our neighbor Lucinda would frequently call my wife and inform her that our homes had appreciated another ten, fifteen or twenty five thousand dollars in value. We were blessed as when we first applied for the home with Pardee we were subjected to a waiting list and quite quickly a home opened up when the prospective buyers backed out of the deal or didn’t qualify for financing. We bought the home as is with the only decision left to make as the choice of appliance color. We chose black to match the orchid counter tops.

We would sit on our front swing while our cats frolicked in the grass for a few minutes each day and watch as our neighbors drove around in new Hummers, contractors commenced digging out backyards to install swimming pools, or set up shop in their driveway’s to build custom cabinets, even our roommate Meredith would drop by for a change of clothes in a brand new Dodge Ram loaded with so much chrome we had to wear shades to minimize spot blindness from gazing at her and the car. Sometimes she would roll up in the Mercedes convertible compliments of her boyfriend, his family and their construction company where she was employed. One New Year’s Eve they rented the Presidential Suite at the Four Seasons to ring in the New Year. When it was time for Meredith to leave, her best idea was to move into her storage unit when her beau who was shacking up with Meredith in the guest house in his Mommy’s backyard dumped her for a younger babe and then repossessed her cars.

 Meredith was broke and far from Mayberry friendly North Carolina home to her kin and imparted to us the typical wife and girlfriend swapping stories of her recent past and people from which her former boyfriend derived his negative self esteem.

This particular event held in the Presidential Suite at the Four Seasons after a late New Year’s Eve cancellation by another corporation and a few hours later replete with pass around sexual favors another boring and stereotypical Las Vegas faux rich evening slowly dissipated into the cold January night followed shortly thereafter by the death of each and every relationship and ultimately their fake wealth; deranged and addictive personalities squeezed hard by the suddenness of the economic contagion. Their friendships and lives ruined. So why did Meredith think this was true love?

I used to pretend that I was dressed in Osh Kosh overalls with a piece of straw jutting out from my teeth and  I would ask my wife while swinging in front of our rose garden what is everyone doing with all those fancy cars, clothes and swimming pools and then feign picking up ten thousand dollars that had fallen from my bib pocket. Tammy would laugh on cue and say darling: “They’re converting the appreciation from their homes to equity loans to buy that stuff” I would say “Is that right; can they do that?” She would say yes darling they sure can at least for now!

2. Your next door neighbor thinks you’re rich and sues you!

Our first tell that trouble lay ahead was when our neighbors to the left moved to California and Dr. Larry Lesyna and his friend Dr. Kathy the cohabitants and drinking pals bought the home. On moving day Kathy was yelling at the drivers. I walked outside and talked to one of the female movers and said you know you don’t have to take that abuse. She laughed and said: We’re almost done and I’m used to it!”

One night Larry affectionately known by us as “Franken Larry”, after the General Mills monster themed breakfast cereal [30], walked up and down the street writing the license plate numbers of people visiting our home for an ACA meeting. Michael a dear friend and student of kung fu entered our home and informed me. I confronted Larry and told him if he didn’t like what we were doing he could sue me but leave our friends out of it. So he did. The lawsuit was frivolous on its face but in the Clark County Nevada Court System nothing is frivolous so we bounced around for awhile with his claim that water was leaking from our yard, which was true as his grading was almost two feet lower than our elevation, and damaged his retaining wall. The wall company became involved and dug out our side of the wall sealed it and covered the hole but Larry remained obtuse.   He bailed on his attorneys and slobs over at Marquis & Aurbach who remain affectionately known to us as: “Mygreed & Yourbuck”.  We do applaud Larry’s decision to allegedly stiff them for $7k.

 The case timed out for the five year rule but the intentional inflectional of emotional stress by Larry Lesyna was complete and my wife wanted out!

3. Local Investigative Reporter thinks you’re worthy of her time!

One day Darcy Spears a local investigative reporter with too much time on her hands decided to investigate whether we were real people who painted, collected art, photographed models in the nude and attended church. How convenient for her to stop by when she knew we were at court, filming herself by her eunuch camera guy hiding in the bushes, while she knocked on our door attired as a Catholic School Girl in her uniform dress and white blouse. For an alleged Jewish kid she had the get up down! She hammered us with phone calls and emails seeking our participation in her report. We refused and she fizzled but not before turning her primary source against us into a stalker who remains with us to this day. Thanks to Darcy Spears we had to grow up fast in learning to curtail the unwanted intrusions of Shannon Hudnell and Art of TG who we are convinced utilized spoofing technology to continuously call us their voices disguised as that of men. We remain humbled by the intervention of Darcy Spears in our lives as a tool of the Lord prompting the forced sale of our home prior to and avoiding the catastrophic meltdown of this residential market.

4. Local Businesses Abandon their Leases

One day in August of 2007 while picking up the mail from Postnet located at 9435 W. West Tropicana Avenue in Las Vegas and driving the length of the mall it was exhilarating to view the reflection of our Hot Cherry Red SUV in all the storefronts; the distortion of light enhanced by the searing visible heat waves until the paper glued to the door interrupted my imaginary visitation to the physics lab. The Sign was posted on the Front door of an LA Weight Loss Center. That very night a local station reported that LA Weight Loss had abandoned all of their leases and shuttered their stores which seemed strange to us as we had never witnessed more fat people negotiating the aisles of the grocery stores and everywhere else in their hoveround’s  anywhere in the history of time and according to their web site:  “ 9 out of 10 recipient’s receive their electric wheelchair at little or no cost, meaning for FREE. Isn’t this a great country? Bankrupt but great!  Let’s reward people for getting so fat they can’t walk and then subsidize their gluttony. We can’t wait for Healthcare Reform.

 In the coming weeks while on my daily mail run and in the very same shopping mall I parked the car and walked up to the dry cleaners and peered against the glass shielding my eyes from the white hot and equally bright sun to glimpse into the once thriving operation. The equipment remained as if a neutron bomb had detonated one day, the people all gone only a few cleaned and wrapped clothes hanging on the line. Later a court notice appeared on the door. Meanwhile next door to the former LA fitness center a real estate Company called: Excel Realty also folded; this time a bright orange sticker was taped from the door across the jam prohibiting any entry. The etchings exclaimed:” You are entering an association of professionals”.

One day while fumbling the mail on the way to the car I heard a commotion on the sidewalk at the corner of the mall. A man was screaming at this real estate agent regarding the recent abandonment of leases. He shouted that he had paid over sixty thousand dollars in taxes on the property and the rents weren’t bringing in any amount near enough to cover the taxes let alone the note or the leasehold improvements ordered completed and now abandoned.

5. SWAT invades the Neighborhood

One of our friends Jonathan was having problems with his roommate Mike. We knew both of them as they had each attended our twice a month dinners. In fact they met each other in our home and after nurturing a friendship purchased a home together. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Their search revealed a real diamond in the rough located in a traditionally black neighborhood and across the street from a church and neighbors who welcomed them to the area. The home was near the Andre Agassi Center and just down the street from the New FBI command center off of North Lake Meade.

Jonathan became infuriated when Mike allowed his dog to “poop” on the carpet and complained that Mike had not locked the door after returning from a late night of partying; Jonathan was also incensed that one gun tooting angry husband or boyfriend had confronted Mike at their front door regarding allegations of sexual encounters by and between Mike and the wife or girlfriend of the incensed gentleman.

Jonathan faced Mike with his concerns and a scuffle ensued. The Police were summoned and Mike went to jail. Jonathan was completely distressed and didn’t want to be home when Mike was released from county lockup. We invited Jonathan to move in with us and he accepted. We completed his move on the Friday of the Labor day weekend of 2007.

We settled down for the night and about 1:30AM our pups whined and then growled thinking it was Larry Lesyna  blowing his dog whistle to irritate us, rolled over scanned the security monitor and was just about to cave when a huge bright light pulsated outback followed by an explosion. I jumped out of bed naked and ran downstairs to open the door so they wouldn’t destroy the door frame. My wife threw some sweat pants over the banister. I turned the bolt expecting the worst but the doorway was quiet. I proceeded down the driveway and viewed two Henderson Police SUV’s wedged in a “V” against our neighbors car, I looked left and saw two parked ambulances idling quietly in the darkness at the corner of Shadymill Avenue and Ridge Heights. Just then the two Police Officers who were standing next to their Jeeps turned and screamed at me to go back into my home. I complied and returned upstairs where Tammy, Jonathan and I gathered in our conference room overlooking the driveway and street.

We heard a woman screaming and about twenty minutes later a detective  arrived asking for the officer with the warrant. Shortly thereafter the entire entourage departed and I walked down to the neighbor’s home and chatted with them.

We didn’t know them as they had just moved into the area; she was a school teacher renting the home with her son and her son’s friend.  They were sufficiently traumatized from this ordeal and abandoned their lease moving to an apartment complex shortly thereafter. We thought Police actions of this magnitude can only mean one thing. “There goes the neighborhood”.

The Henderson Police forever changed the complexion of the enclave of Shadow Mountain that late night. They in their misguided quest were seeking the owners and our former neighbors. The owners arrived to fix their front door and told us that the Henderson Police conducted simultaneous raids on five or six of their homes confiscating nothing. Our neighbors were suspected of such alleged activities of creating fake identities, stealing credit cards, forgery and other crimes. Their father a retired truck driver was allegedly thrown to the floor and required medical attention thereafter. Our neighbors were accused of belonging to the “Armenian Mafia” a term we had never heard prior to that fateful night. This raid as well as the shooting to death of a Mother and Albanian speaking Ice Cream Vendor transpired on the watch of former Henderson Chief of Police Richard Perkins, once a rising star in the Nevada State Legislature who has since resigned or retired.

After the SWAT incident my wife refused to come out of the Master bedroom so on Labor Day I located a realtor while online and seeking a home to rent. Chantel Tilley angelic in appearance  and spirit met with us the next day and upon informing us that: “buyers were like gold” listed our home at $40,000.00 below market. Thanks to the Lord and our agent Chantel Tilley our home sold in one day!

             Life After Money Real Estates Economics:


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              Robert Plant and the Strange Sensation 2005.4

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Life after Money

Part II

Real Estate & Economics

Jonathan McCallum posing with his new Dr. Christopher approved recidivism proof playmate

Mayor Oscar Goodman! Is that you?

Richard Perkins