Legal Madness II "Hillbilly Heaven in the land of Jackpot Justice pg 3 desperation is the mother of invention

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Page 3 Opinion “Legal Madness” Part II:

Hillbilly Heaven in the land of Jackpot Justice

Shall we peer inside the comfy lifestyle that some prefer to call home their entire adult lives. We used to refer to them as professional students. Now they’re dissatisfied tenured professors mixing it up with their students during an evening of heavy thinking after the third hit from the collective peace pipe; Campus grade inflation remains a problem bartered by middle aged egg head and dotty slobs for sexual favors from desperate coeds who return home to dry heave into the toilet and then drink themselves to sleep.

What’s not to like about university sponsored socialism replete with groundskeepers nurturing the current ideology of eco friendly plants and foliage in an immaculate display of pruning perfection and late at night the environmental champion Swamp Thing trolling the campus in search of lonely conservatives and climate change deniers dragging them into the bushes. His folk status not that he is bio degradable leaving no carbon foot print but that he preserves the status quo at Columbia University dispatching his victims upside down in his backyard like Catholics invoking the earthy father of Jesus to sell their homes utilizing small plastic statutes of St. Joseph and praying for intercessory relief from a financial tomb once called home. The Police recently interrupted a lowering of a giant St. Joseph by realtors into the sacred Miami Circle and Archeological site purchased by the local authorities in the middle of downtown Miami, Florida which may be home to the oldest and pre historic Indian civilization in the United States. However the realtors disagreed and wanted to sell the site as they only found a used condom, a tasty freeze wrapper and a shark’s tooth in the middle of the dig. They ran into the night when confronted by the Police but were quickly rounded up as their fingerprints remained on the shovels left behind. [89]

The linen and towel service, meals on a card and all the other amenities trucked in so one never needs to violate the boundaries of the campus to remain stockpiled with appropriate creature comforts for the semester, year, or your entire life if you win the lottery and accompanying meal ticket via a faculty appointment and then tenure when you can really let yourself go sporting that classic New York City homeless person wrap around look but held in high esteem and referenced as a genius and deep thinker by students, teaching assistants and faculty alike. The only campus shortage is of trendy T-shirts on triple back order from the campus bookstore with the words “I love hunting accidents” printed on the front of the fruit of the loom it’s okay if you can’t find your mouth hide your food stains reversible designed for extended wearing of one or two weeks between washes if occasionally doused with toilet water shirts.

Your unbridled support of the undocumented worker by paying your bar bill and outcall sex maids with pesos represents your solidarity of the oppressed and how you roll; a shortened stay in Mexico for spring break vacation the hasty return only hours after decapitated heads were bowled into the Cantina where you were studying sociology, slamming inverted shooters, driveling inside the peace sign on your shirt, and fondling coeds leaving unspent currency in your pocket unable to convert at the airport since your emergency return flight departed at two in the morning and the bank was closed.

But for the vulgarity laden term “racist” now hurled at anyone with a divergent point of view like Anthony Maschek who unlike most of his antagonists earned his tuition. Upon graduation from such an elite campus the hate mongers fate directed to the mail room for a ninety day probationary period or hired out as dog walkers either or for minimum wage. How did that Marc Lamont Hill class work out for you in embracing your scarce employment prospects while promoting your career advancement strategy? Did you read his award winning book: "Beats, Rhymes and Classroom Life: Hip-Hop Pedagogy and the Politics of Identity?"[77] Meanwhile your first scrap of post graduate mail as Columbia’s newest alumni is the initial payment coupon for the $200,000.00 loan of your high powered education; the bill due in ten days. Welcome to deflation. Your Columbia economics professors said this was all bullshit while administration was cashing your dad’s check then invoicing him for the increase in next semester’s tuition.

We have read numerous accounts that the first two years of college is utilized to teach the incoming class of freshmen and sophomores what they failed to comprehend in high school. So a four year degree at Columbia may be equivalent to an Associate’s degree at your local community college of course without the goody package that comes with the Cadillac model like access to one on one meetings with your favorite and published socialist or communist professor now rambling through lectures invoking such fascinating topics as The Union of Myanmar sensibilities in protecting pro democracy squatters from violence with decades extended in house detentions.

Your Masters Degree equals a Bachelor’s of Arts or Science and that first Doctorate comparable to a Masters Degree. So we have grade and diploma inflation and post graduate income deflation except of course for that small group of pioneer Americans who will make their way to the top of the highest spiritual summit no matter how debilitated and detached from reality the teaching and administrative ideologies regarding life, success and most importantly failure. Otherwise it’s really hard to dress up this Columbia University Pig of over consumption and underperformance with or without lipstick.

Low wages and high debt loads make for desperation and we all know that acute desperation is the mother of invention. May we suggest that many if not most Columbia graduates will no longer recoup the costs of their university education relative to the lifetime wage differential of college educated versus non college graduates. Why? Because the economy has split into two components; the first and much smaller fraction of graduates will prosper for those disciplined in medicine, energy, agriculture, fluency in multiple languages, mathematics, computer science, technology, English, technical writing, some engineering, bio tech, chemistry other hard sciences and those returning to family owned businesses like the days of old. The second component of most everyone else including the liberal arts, law, journalism and construction will sustain exceptionally high rates of unemployment for possibly the rest of our lives thereby creating intense competition for each opening accompanied by significant wage stagflation if not deflation.

It’s worse for women as: “one year out of college women working fulltime earn only 80% as much as their male colleagues. Ten years after graduation, women fall further behind, earning only 69% as much as men earn. Controlling for hours, occupation, parenthood and other factors normally associated with pay, college-education women still earn less than their male peers earn.” [104]

After years of drinking, drugging, fornicating, defaming republicans and the churched as unenlightened, cheating on exams, downloading stolen music even though the legal alternative is only a dollar a throw and participating in friendly games of poker on your laptop or phone while posting your weekend date request under “talent” on Craig’s list, since that med student guy in Boston ruined the Adult section for everyone, during lecture; now you’re unemployed with grievances but there’s always the sacred fallback position of moving in with mommy and daddy while strategizing for your next counter attack on life.

We tuned in one evening to the “O’Reilly Factor to watch Jessie Waters interview several of your graduate students including sandwich boy who while answering the topical question of the day continued to stuff his hole with bread. We were waiting for him to reach for a bottle of Select 55 from his back pocket to hydrate his gullet between answers, the beverage so advertised as the lightest beer in all the world, and we were half expecting his mommy to emerge from the bushes to wipe his mouth with a linen napkin and deliver his favorite Justin Bieber Never say Never T-Shirt the upcoming concert schedule stapled on the back with those TV do it yourself rhinestones. Thank you Columbia University for your collaboration supporting our summation transmitted via FOX News to forty countries and the Untied States of America [90] that you mass produce well educated unemployable morons. Of course your group of seven or so interviewees was smaller than the random statistical sample of thirty to generate a ninety eight percent {98%} call the last time we checked. Three of the seven students were off the planet and the other four or so retained a modicum of common sense.

With all the extra curricular activities when do we study? “Researchers found the amount of time students spend studying has dropped drastically over the past forty years, from forty hours per week in 1961 to 27 hours a week in 2003. One possible reason; colleges are spending less of their budgets on instruction and more of it on recreation and student services according to a July 2010 report by the Delta Cost Project. Most colleges are businesses after all, and the pressure to attract new students {and more money} is intense.” [75]

The antiquated economic and legal theories of the left espousing economics and political science professors their theories now awash under $15T+ of public debt and unraveling quickly after slamming into the wall and corrective painful action of the market requiring reduction of health, labor and collective bargaining costs to recalibrate the pendulum in Wisconsin, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois and Yes even California where nary a peep has been forthcoming from Jerry Brown who saved $20M by turning off the phone service but has yet to advance any real reforms preferring instead to trim around the edges of the greatest state deficit ever in the history of the republic. Ah yes California where unbelievably a law allegedly exists prohibiting any person from sleeping in their office. Senator Barbara Boxer {D} California chastising friend and foe alike for their choosing to nap late at night on a rollaway in the corner of their House or Senate digs to save time and money and remain available continuously for their constituency. Senator Barbara Boxer is not our cup of tea. We do respect her victory as she prevailed in a hard fought campaign fair and square; however the real hero to us is her former opponent Carly Fiorina as the first candidate for high office in California to proclaim her closely held beliefs in the sanctity of life in quite a spell.

Senator Boxer may not appreciate that entire families including their pets now recline in offices nationwide. They are nestled indoors and convert the place from work station to home each night as their next best option is to stake a claim in a refrigerator box at the dump and queue for free cheese. We won’t fault Barbara Boxer for exhibiting signs of a slow reader as we remain slow readers too. We may bend but a few pages of seven or eight books at a time but only when exercising on the elliptical. We appreciate that Senator Boxer has not concluded the Chapter where the economy is completing a permanent structural change via splitting in two and almost everyone is now guided by two simple principles; fear of God and self preservation.

If Attending Columbia at $50,000 a throw per year the average student better leave with something like a law degree or a transcript with the words greetings from Columbia University prior to applying to work at such esteemed money tree orchards like Goldman Sachs. Yes the company that accepted a $25M fee from the state of California to underwrite a bond sale then advised their clients to short the same bonds driving up the cost of the issue to the state. [73] We all know that legal had to approve such duplicity.

In a case of accidental characteristics like the tennis shoe with the gash on the bottom matching perfectly to the sole print at the crime scene, the smattering of hecklers that Saturday evening at Columbia while not representing the university as a whole may graduate devoid of morality and ethics stimulated instead by their own best ideas the foremost possibly personal enrichment; these toxic minds of hedonistic self preservation graduating into the banking, legal and political sectors seeding the next financial crash and or extraordinary political failure. Princeton sent us Federal Reserve Chief Ben Bernanke and Harvard President Barack Obama. Please hold any future aspiring leaders and the FREE cheese.

We don’t normally tread where we are not wanted unless requested by our government for the greater good. Why bother with the ROTC program review at Columbia University. Leave well enough alone. We only ask that these high powered institutions learn to stand on their own and quit forming political action committees donating in the case of Columbia University a cool $500K to the 2008 Presidential Campaign of Barack Obama. Why not keep the money at home? We the people appeal to our Representatives and Senators to terminate all Federal funding in direct support for research and facilities but retain the second source of cash in loans but not grants made to students. [74]

What a dreamy job to work in University administration today; your non profit replete with payback government funding, endowments that are seldom tapped except to siphon off some interest once in a blue moon, alumni marketing lists, annual increases in tuition and not to mention students playing professional ball for free scholarships with television and attendance proceeds split by contenders and then to exhibit such belligerence by dumping the army recruiter. Really, may we unplug the taxpayer from your multiple profit center nirvana?

In Summary real competition is coming to town for the sacred University allocated dollar. All we see up and down the east coast until we arrive South in Baltimore is the same dead liberal theology. It’s going to be tough with the onset of ageism in this country and the pending lowered standard of living approaching from just over the horizon for each of these coveted Ivy League schools to survive. Most of these institutions beg for reform whether Harvard, Yale, Brown, The University of Pennsylvania, NYU or Columbia University. Incremental reform itself will not stop the bleeding or as we prefer half measures availed us nothing. Two of these among the other prominent names must gravitate away from the pack and cater to a genuine conservative ideology in economics, history, law and spirituality. Otherwise you risk not only losing additional market share to the plethora of online competitors, and we appreciate the sneer, while they continue to eat at your base while your proposal to offer viable online alternatives is tabled until the next meeting for the tenth time. We are forecasting that as many as half of these Universities may cease to exist in the next twenty years if reformation does not commence immediately.